


Evermore

by PunkRockPiccolo



Series: Fem!Fall Out Boy [16]
Category: Fall Out Boy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Always a Different Sex, Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, Angst with a Hopeful Ending, Canon Compliant, F/F, Gen, Genderbending, Genderswap, Songfic, i guess, kind of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-08
Updated: 2018-10-08
Packaged: 2019-07-28 08:34:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,222
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16237976
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PunkRockPiccolo/pseuds/PunkRockPiccolo
Summary: Petra thought she would always be waiting for Patricia to walk back into her life.  Maybe, that's not how life works...





	Evermore

**Author's Note:**

> I started this a long while ago with like 200 words, then just sat and binge-wrote the rest.  
> IDK, songfics are cringy- i know, but i wanted to do something outside my norm.  
> Enjoy!

_I was the one who had it all_

_I was the master of my fate_

_I never needed anybody in my life_

_I learned the truth too late_

 

Petra stared blankly at her phone as it sat on the coffee table. She wasn’t sure if she were waiting for it to ring, or debating calling or texting someone herself.

The house was too quiet. It had been that way since she got home from the airport., exhausted from a long and taxing tour. Their last…

With a weary sigh, Petra ran her hands down her face, thoughts racing a mile a minute.

Everything she had been so sure of was wonky. Her stable footholds were gone and now she was scrambling to find a reason behind everything. There were so many things that just kept building up and building up, till finally…they just broke.

To be honest, Jo probably broke first. Around midway through tour, she had withdrawn from almost everyone, including the other three girls. The only reason Petra wasn’t sure was because she never outwardly expressed her unhappiness. Then again, maybe she did and Petra was too caught up in her own head to see it.

It wasn’t until Patricia exploded in the middle of Arizona, that Petra finally realized they were hanging by threads.

**_“I’m done. We’ll finish the tour but…we need…we need a break. I can’t do this shit anymore.”_ **

 

_I'll never shake away the pain_

_I close my eyes but she's still there_

_I let her steal into my melancholy heart_

_It's more than I can bear_

That’s what hurt Petra the most.

Patricia didn’t just need a break from the band, she needed space from Petra

It didn’t sink in-the finality of it all-until Petra watched her best friend walk away in the middle of O’Hare.

A whine brought Petra out of her thoughts. Hemingway was staring at her with his wrinkled face. He probably needed to be fed. A sideways glance at the clock on the wall showed that she had been wallowing in her own self-pity for hours. Strange- I felt like just minutes.

Hemmy followed her into the kitchen as she slowly filled his dish, scratching his head affectionately as she tottered back to sit on the couch again, flopping down to lie and star at the ceiling. The blank surface gave her a headache, so she closed her eyes.

“ ** _You’re my best friend, Petra. You know that?”_**

**_“Wow, I’m sorry for your misfortune.”_ **

**_“Shut the hell up, you dork. I mean it.”_ **

**_“Yeah, I know, Trish…I know.”_ **

Petra’s eyes flew open as she wheezed. The sudden memory feeling like a kick in the chest.

(~~~)

_Now I know she'll never leave me_

_Even as she runs away_

_She will still torment me_

_Calm me, hurt me_

_Move me, come what may_

****

Black Cards was basically over. Petra knew that before any of them.

And it wasn’t for lack of trying or talent. Bebe was incredible and they worked well together.

But he wasn’t Patricia. 

And that was the point at first. Petra knew she’d wanted to do another side group while Fall Out Boy was on “hiatus”, but she refused to do another all-girl group. She didn’t want anyone thinking she was trying to replace her band.

Bebe was a little disappointed, but not at all surprised when Petra mentioned ending the group.

“I know you haven’t been feeling right. Take time for yourself, Petra. If it comes back, it comes back. Don’t do this because you feel like you owe the world.”

Petra owed Bebe the world, but she just smiled and said lunch on her would suffice.

Petra played their last show at Lollapalooza with all the energy she had left.

And spent the rest of the time hiding from her best friend, hoping she would find her anyway.

 

_Wasting in my lonely tower_

_Waiting by an open door_

_I'll fool myself, she'll walk right in_

_And be with me for evermore_

(~~~)

Her therapist told her she needed to talk to the girls. She needed to talk to Patricia.

“I do talk to them. Patricia texted me yesterday.”

“And was this a social text, or a business text?”

Petra kept her mouth shut, giving Dr. Hilden her answer.

It had in fact been a text asking about the name of one of their previous photographers.

“I think you need to actually talk to them, Petra. Something more than a text or email. It would do a world of good for everyone, not just you.”

Petra scowled at the carpet of the small office. Dr.Hilden was right. She usually was, but this time, Petra could bring herself to even try to humor the suggestion. Not now. She wasn’t there yet.

_I rage against the trials of love_

_I curse the fading of the light_

_Though she's already flown so far beyond my reach_

_She's never out of sight_

(~~~)

Truant Wave and Soul Punk hold a special place in Petra’s heart. They were proof of multiple facts that she has known for years.

  1. Patricia is a literal goddess



Her blonde haired, ocean-eyed, golden-voiced friend played and sang every note on her albums. It astounded Petra to the point she cried. Many times, in fact.

  1. Patricia is an amazing lyricist



People would rave over Petra’s lyrics, but they always undermined Patricia’s contributions or edits. Patricia used to say that Petra had all the words they’d ever need. How wrong she was.

  1. Patricia didn’t need her



Through practically every state and many years, Petra would tell Patricia that she could do so much more if she just dropped Petra like the dead weight she was. Patricia would always roll her eyes, sometimes snorting in derision. She would chew Petra out for putting herself down, then insist that she couldn’t have gotten that far without the rest of them- which Petra called bullshit, but let it go. For the moment.

But those two masterpieces truly showed that Patricia was more than capable of making her way and shining brightly without Petra as a dark backdrop.

Patricia wasn’t letting the hiatus break her down, she used it as a springboard to grow.

That realization hit Petra like a truck. She’d done nothing but think on the could-haves and should-haves, instead of becoming a person that she needed to be. A person Patricia needed her to be back in 2009.

Her first step was the most nerve-wracking text she’d ever sent. She wasn’t ready to face Patricia, and she had so much to catch up with Jo. So many apologies, she didn’t think she’d ever get them all out, but damn it, she was diving into this the way she did everything that mattered. Head-first at full speed.

She wasn’t the person she needed to be yet, but she was getting there. And she needed help.

And maybe one day soon, Patricia would have a best friend she could count on.

Maybe…

  _Now I know she'll never leave me_

_Even as she fades from view_

_She will still inspire me_

_Be a part of everything I do_

_Wasting in my lonely tower_

_Waiting by an open door_

_I'll fool myself, she'll walk right in_

_And as the long, long nights begin_

_I'll think of all that might have been_

_Waiting here for evermore._

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Working on a few other ideas, hopefully I'll get some more time to flesh them out fully.  
> However, I am pretty sure, I want to start posting a fic i've been handwriting for a while. It's with the boys, though, not the girls, so I'll get around to that probably.
> 
> Many thanks!


End file.
